Tag Archives: self love

Mel Collie | Are You Normal? 3 ways to STOP!

Mel Collie | Are You Normal? Stop it Now…

3 ways not be normal in the trendy fitness world right now could be these…

1. The trend is to exercise to be slimmer, tone up, work the abs, well, maybe as far back a when Jane Fonda started wearing leotards, we’ve always been exercising with flat abs as our goal, why is that? Are we worried that is we don’t have flat abs then we won’t be loved, won’t look good naked, it will reduce our confidence in the bedroom? Who said that in order to be more desirable we should be slimmer and more toned? Is it true? How about we stop thinking of exercises to give us a six pack …(are you aiming to be on the front of a magazine? if you are, share your story of dedication and what it takes)  its not consistent, doesn’t last a lifetime and can burn you out,  Could we try to change the word “exercise” , one that many see as torture, boring, a chore, for “play, movement” and practice cartwheels, handstands, forward rolls, tumbles…do things you did when you were a kid. They are awesome for reduced pain and increased alignment. When the body is in alignment it works beautifully…check out www.amnacademny.com

2. Could we scrap the word diet, which in our modern day vocabulary, now means restriction but..it  didn’t used to mean that at all..we have changed it through the years, words change as we change, instead , pick a different word, why not use the word “nourishment”. When you choose that word, you choose to eat foods for your wellbeing, rather than eating “clean”for 19 – 30 days  because its a trendy thing to do right now. You don’t hear the stories of what happens after that. Maybe we should hear more truths. Maybe nourishment is more sustainable. Would you rather nourish yourself that diet? This is remarkable, as it gives you permission to remove from your vocabulary “bad foods”  and “good foods” Did you know you can actually test a muscular response to things like sugar? I will do a blog post on this one day, but for some people, nuts are good and for other they aren’t. Realising your bodies reactions to food can open up an understanding to how your unique nervous system works.

3. Your metabolism changes all the time. So what works today for you may not work next week, so go with the flow,  as my Body balance instructor used to say…It doesn’t mean that you failed, far from it! It means you are a great listener. And great listeners are few and far between. Listen to your body, accept that theres days it wants to rest and recover, work with it, love it, cherish it. When you look back at history, how things have changed over the years, we really are here for a very short amount of time, but what a privilege to have the chance to be here at this very point in time, with the choices we have, the technology we have, the travel opportunities we have, the luxuries, the natural world around us.

4. (There’s always a bonus number)…So..I was thinking about  cellulite. You know its normal don’t you? Everyone has it. Accept it, love that its a part of your body. Its a human being that decided they didn’t like it and that its not acceptable. (its was also a human that said it was acceptable to have a divide between the colour of the human skin, what a load of crap that was, we are all the same, all connected, no matter where we come from ) Who are we to say that about the body? Do you really understand what it is and why you have it before stating you think its ugly because its on the front of a celebrity magazine as being touted as unsightly?For nay of us, thats damaging to the self esteem, and we will eat a bar of chocolate or a donut as we read the magazine. You could choose to eat an apple instead, however, the female brain is wired for comfort food when stressed. Having more articles helping you understand how your brain works in times of anxiety, stress and pressure, would be more beneficial.

If you really don’t like cellulite, choose to eat more greens, watercress is a prime example (google “indole 3 carbinol”)   to help you excrete cellulite as well as less sitting watching tv/checking Facebook etc, more exciting different ways to move ( go outside and do 10 cartwheels right now…) , but understand more about what it is and that females are more predisposed to it that males, especially in the thigh area. Who really cares? You could have the perfect thighs and be so unhappy.(reach for the donuts…uh oh..) .

Stop following everyone else. How do you know they are right? Is it true? What if they were wrong?

Do what works for you, this may take a bit of time, because you may not be sure, and thats ok…Im still experimenting too. We are all scientists 🙂

So, why not have more fun and be happier, however, you have permission from no one else but yourself.

Let go and give yourself a greater life experience. We have wayyyyy too short a time on this spinning rock to be worrying about what people think of you, give that up for a start.They are only worrying about the same thing. Honest! They are!

I love you of course, as you are..

Mel

x

www.melcollie.com

Mel helps change peoples lives who feel a little bit lost. You will find her in North Wales right now , probably being attacked by the midges as she practices using her Canon camera and new filters… whilst still attempting a cartwheel  🙂

 

 

Mel Collie | 3 Ways to Be Enough

Mel Collie | 3 Ways to Be Enough

There is a saying , and many other positive ones to add to it, that goes around the social media sites that proclaims that you are enough, and you should know it by now..

Well, its true of course, you are enough, so am I, so is the person that you don’t like very much (that’s a tough one…)

However, many of us don’t believe that we are enough, often.
Reading posts that tell us that we should be reminded that we have a right to be here on the planet, to be heard, to know that we are gorgeous just as we are, don’t sink in when there are other things going on in our life that are harful to our survival.That are threats to our wellbeing and future.

Your brain is a complicated thing.

It only asks you 1 question, can I survive this.

When its not sure, it will slow you down and make you think and do things that you might not choose to do in happier circumstances.

Healthy eating, fitness, your flat ab goal for a summer beach body (thats a whole other story I will touch on next week..) any goals you have, will be put aside whilst your brain puts survival as priority.

Theres no such thing as being weak willed, you are never that.
Ever.
Your brain has a hierarchy of threats, the first one being respiration,, of course when thats reduced it thinks you arent going to be here much longer, so it has to slow you down, your movements, digestion, energy, until its happy your future is no longer under threat of survival.

…even sex goes out the window, the last thing a threatened brain wants is to reproduce, it seeks safety first.

Threats can be as simple as an unexpected bill in the post, moving house, being judged by others, a feeling of disconnect with the family or in the town/village where you live.

The next time you beat yourself up about not feeling that you are enough, look at other areas of life first
1. Good old stress..the S word is common nowadays, but too much and your brain will be stuck in FFF – Fight, Flight or Freeze
2. Cortisol production increases, and with it comes increased belly fat, relaxation, meditation, daily walks, deep breathing, massages, all contribute to lowered cortisol, its not all about how much exercise you do, too much of the wrong kind for your body and you may not be seeing the results you want. be kinder.
3. Friends. Feeling part of the tribe, connection, safety, belonging, cuddles, eye contact, all help increase a hormone called oxytocin. Its made in the brain, in the hypothalamus ( you never know, you might be asked that on Mastermind one day…), too much stress = less oxytocin, the love hormone, helps reduce anxiety, is produced in abundance with human contact, eye contact, during sex , so, to reduce stress, go and cuddle your best mate or other half or the kids right now , ok even your teddy bear if you still have one..(Ive got 6…!)
4. Keep promises. Don’t cancel that massage, don’t cancel the drink with your best mate, dont break promises that you make for yourself. Promised yourself that you would do a few things this year, (remember new years resolutions?) did you want to take up Yoga or Pilates? Did you want to try a new type of food? Did you want to go travelling ? Did you want to read more? Walk more? Go to bed earlier? Have that bath and light those candles and relax more?Doing things for yourself doesn’t mean selfishness, it means you have more of an abundance mindset, so when you are happier and at peace with the self, you have more to give others.

Yes you are enough, but sometimes just reading it and bashing yourself over the head with it isn’t enough.Take a step back and lay some foundations.

Remember, your brain seeks survival. When you recognise that you are stuck in those reactions of fight, flight, freeze, be kind to yourself and take time out. Simple acts of deep slow breathing will send a message to your brain that all is well. Then some of the positive messages might sink in, stay there and you get those “lightbulb” moments 🙂

Mel Collie & Chris Tuck
x
Get more lightbulb moments by working with Mel & Chris over at their website, you can discover more here:
www.survivors-of-abuse.com

Mel Collie |Happiness for People who Dont Get Positive Thinking

Mel Collie |Happiness for People who Dont Get Positive Thinking

I know, me too, I go for all those cutey photos with words written on them, them 2 seconds later forget them as I stress about the morning ahead, getting things done by the deadline, what to cook for dinner, cleaning the house, making sure everyones happy…etc etc..

Positive thinking, in actual fact, for many of us humans on the planet, doesnt work. Im telling you the truth, and heres the reason why…(the same for setting goals and vision boards…that become invisible boards)

and what you can do about it..

Stick with it, because I’m going to be scientific..

1. Your brain is amazing, you know that already.

2. If you have the following things going on in your life, all those positive quotes will do nothing for you…they will just slide off you like water off a ducks back, so, if you are feeling stuck, if you are struggling, dont believe in yourself, feel threatened, under pressure, frustrated at what others are succeeding in around you, working too hard without a break, worrying about finances, illness, feeling in pain – emotionally as well as physically,  lack of feeling accepted in the community – maybe you’ve just moved house or work, feel like theres a lot of change going on around you.

3. The brain has different areas, and if they are being neglected then they will let you know about it. The reptilian brain is the oldest part – its that survival response, fight or flight, it doesnt care that you want to tone up,eat healthy, weigh less, wear a bikini or whatever your goals are. If it perceives you are under threat, it will kick in, your goals will not be as obtainable as you thought. The mammalian brain processes emotion, it seeks physical wellbeing and safety, is affected by judgements.  The neocortex wants emotional safety, acceptance, eye contact, praise, love.

So when any of these areas in your life are happening – a row in the family, a stressful job, nutritional neglect, judgements from others in the social circle, then the brain will skim over those positive quotes , it can also be something as simple as a change in your life. the body seeks homeostasis, and when it sense this is under threat, then things will change in your response, as all change is a threat to homeostasis Threat can be as simple as something is changing too fast, too slow or something is unclear to you. This threat can manifest as fight, flight freeze. Fight can be increased pain and inflammation, flight can be wanting to run away, turning up late for appointments, and freeze can be simply not moving, staying and feeling stuck not taking action.

Instead, look at your own life and those around you. Ask some question:

What going too fast/slow for you right now

What feels stuck?

Are you getting support, connection, feelings of safety and belonging, how is your self esteem and self image, do you have financial worries, health worries, do you feel shame and blame. More stress = less joy and less care of the self. Stress is indeed more likely to add inches than an iced bun. ( see my last blog on the iced bun revolution !)

When we are anxious, we have less faith in ourselves, which in turn impacts on self esteem. We then use food as a reward, (if the brain feels less connected in the community/the self/from friends  it will look for that elsewhere – like food)  then feel guilty afterwards, using exercise as punishment for over eating rather than using it to nourish areas of our brain and having more fun. (e.g. try a new workout, go for a run in the park, go for a 30 min walk everyday, do cartwheels, try handstands, do stuff you did when you were a kid, stop training as if your abs and happiness depended on it)

Work with yourself. Awareness of reactions, emotions, whats lacking, whats missing.

Accept whats missing, work on connection, compassion to yourself, drop the judgements.

Maybe then your brain will no longer need those “think positive” reminders, because it feels safe, connected, better sense of wellbeing and notices threats.

Mel Collie

www.melcollie.com