Mel Collie | Three ways to overcome Fear
Earlier this year I sold my 4 bed 200 year old house, which I loved, but after a split in a relationship, it was time to sell the house, which was far too big for me, and downsize, have less money worries and more time for me. So here I am, a few months later, working less hours, even though I’m fortunate to absolutely love what I do, I dont have to work every morning and every evening and worry about paying a rather large mortgage.
The time came that even though I now teach only a couple of Pilates classes a week, I needed a challenge for me.
So after checking out a few charity websites, I decided on a trekking challenge. My bloke mentioned the 3 peaks challenge which sounded like fun, and a great way to see those 3 peaks, the views, and get fit at the same time, we drew up a training programme which meant I would be walking, a lot .every day (currently at week 3 of training and walking about 6 miles a day, ( 10 miles today though) and circuit training for extra stamina using weights and interval training .
Now, I am the same as you, and have my doubts and when the fears creep in, I can easily convince myself that it isn’t important, I can slow the training down, in fact I can do it and not train at all, but you know what?
I’m training, not just for this challenge, but for future trekking challenges I want to do, like an Icelandic and a Sahara desert trek 🙂
Its interesting when you have a deadline each day to see how hard you can push yourself and if you do listen to that negative voice in your head telling you to stop, telling you to go no further, telling you that you are crazy and its nicer to sit at home and be comfortable.
well, yes it is 🙂
But , thats listening to the voice of the fear of failure, the voice that tells you that others will judge you a failure if you cant do something, even if you fail once, that it, you are a failure at everything.
What a load of rubbish
Its those who fail, pick themselves up and go again that are the ones who are the strongest, those who have had the struggles are the ones most qualified to help others.
Many times we ask ourselves – can I do this? What if I fail? What will people think of me?
Heres what I think:
1.Accept that you will fail and that fear of failure is normal, everyone has it, even the most successful people will have the “what if ” brain chatter.
2.Fear will stop you from doing what you want to do, fear that others will ridicule you, make fun of you, laugh at you when really they also face the same fears you do, they too fear all those things like you do, but you are listening to the loud voice that tells you not to make a fool of yourself , and you play it small, missing out on stuff you want to do or showing everyone who you really are, your unique characteristics .
3. Fear is the only thing to fear. It is circular, it comes back that there is nothing to fear but fear itself, its your brains way of trying to keep you alive, these responses are evolutionary from a time you could get killed by just walking outside – animals with big sabre teeth, poisonous berries , other cave men wanting to kill and steal our meat etc – we now live in a time where those responses aren’t necessary – fear and hate are hooked together, we’ve been bought up in a warm cosy house, TV, food in the fridge, cosy bed, food in the supermarkets, and so the fears become twisted, fear of spiders for example, your brain has to have something to exercise its fight flight response, fear is a realisation, its just that, if you realise you are afraid of something you are no longer afraid of it, the thought is irrational.
Once you realise a fear is unfounded, it should be banished forever. Its not an irrational thought, its the most rational thing, the modern fears are unfounded, thats the difference.
Life is easy and not as dangerous as it used to be, the brain, a product of millions of years of evolutionary process to purely keep us alive (fight or flight) cant just shut down, so we look for things to be frightened of.
This will manifest in worries and fears of how we look, what others will think of us, fears our brain makes up to keep its software running and current.
Ask yourself :
Is my fear rational?
Is it a product of my flight/fight mind?
Can I realise it ?
The people who don’t feel fear can be seen as just daydreamers.
Zen.Fear is the absence of Zen.
Once you realise that, there is no going back