Stop Being the Good Girl: Listening to Your Body, Finding Your Voice

Many of us became “good” long before we became confident

We learned to read the room.

To smooth things over.

To apologise quickly.

To not take up too much space.

The good girl was intelligent. She kept us safe. She understood that being agreeable often meant being accepted.

For many women, especially in midlife, that role became second nature.

But somewhere along the way, in being so attuned to everyone else, we stopped hearing ourselves.

Our no.

Our anger.

Our desire.

Our impulses.

We became calm on the outside, but disconnected on the inside, and calm is not the same as aligned

The Body Knows Before the Mind Does

One of the things I’ve learned through somatic practice is that the body often knows long before we allow ourselves to acknowledge it.

It tightens in certain conversations.

It exhales in relief when something feels right.

It leans forward with curiosity.

It pulls back with quiet resistance.

These are not inconveniences. They are information.

For years, I overrode those signals. I trusted other people’s opinions over my own sensations. I told myself I was being mature, kind, reasonable.

But I was also silencing myself.

Voice does not begin in the throat. It begins in sensation

Confidence Is Not Performance

We often think confidence means speaking louder, being bolder, becoming someone different, but what if confidence is much quieter than that?

What if confidence is:

Pausing before you say yes.

Noticing the flicker of discomfort.

Allowing yourself to change your mind.

Honouring a no , without explaining it away. I was the queen of explaining myself until I realised it was a people pleasing trait . It took a while to understand that and rewire my habitual responses but now fees freeing to not explain myself .

Confidence isn’t performance.

It’s trust.

And trust is built slowly, gently, through repetition.

How Mindful Photography Helps

This might sound surprising, but photography has become one of the most powerful ways I practise this.

Not perfect or impressive photography.

Just noticing.

When I practise mindful photography, I don’t go looking for something spectacular. I pay attention to what draws me.

Light on a wall. Bubbles in the kitchen sink. The texture or colour of something around me in my home

I have learned follow small impulses.

If something catches my eye, I don’t argue with it. I don’t ask whether it’s “good enough.” I simply notice, frame it, and let it be.

That simple act — of following what draws me without justification — is a quiet rebellion against the good girl.

It strengthens an inner muscle: I can trust what I notice

The Difference Between Calm and Compliance

For many women, especially those who learned early to be quiet and easy going, calm can look like compliance.

We smile.

We nod.

We say it’s fine.

But inside, something tightens.

Somatic practice has helped me understand that true calm feels different in the body. It feels grounded. Spacious. Steady.

Compliance feels held. Constricted. Managed.

Only your body knows the difference.

When we slow down — even for one breath, one photograph, one pause — we begin to sense which is which.

You Don’t Have to Become Someone New

This work is not about rejecting the good girl with anger or shame.

She served a purpose.

This is about gently widening the space inside you.

Letting anger be information instead of something to suppress.

Letting impulses be clues instead of inconveniences.

Letting your body be wise.

You don’t have to become louder.

You don’t have to become harder.

You don’t have to become someone new.

You simply have to stop overriding the woman you already are.

A Gentle Invitation

If you recognise yourself here — if you’re tired of always being agreeable, always being easy, always being the one who smooths things over — you’re not alone.

Listening to yourself again doesn’t require a dramatic life change.

It begins with:

One pause.

One breath.

One moment of noticing.

One image that feels true.

Through mindful photography and gentle somatic practices, I guide women to rebuild trust with themselves in small, sustainable ways.

Not by pushing.

Not by performing empowerment.

But by returning to the body, again and again.

Because your voice was never gone.

It was just waiting for you to listen.

Mel

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