“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

When Busyness Feels Safer Than Rest

For many midlife women, busyness isn't just a habit, its a form of safety, staying occupied, useful, and one step ahead.

It can feel easier to keep moving than to stop and notice how you really feel, and if that sounds like you, theres nothing wrong with you.

How do I know? Because that was me, for many years, feeling exhausted, making myself ill because of overworking, not taking time off, always working on rare days off, always feeling I had to be one step ahead and useful.

When staying busy was protective

For women who grew up needing to be alert, like I did, busyness often became a quiet survival skill.

It meant :

• less time to feel vulnerable

• less space for uncertainty

• less space for something unexpected

Movement tasks and mental activity created a sense of control.

Even now, slowing down can feel like letting go of that protection, so the nervous system chooses what it knows.

When I came to understand that, it felt like a few things just fell into place, I finally understood why I was always on the go, always helping, always working.

Why rest can feel uncomfortable

When life offers moments of quiet, something can happen. I found that instead of relief, there were moments of:

• restlessness

• anxiety

• a sudden urge to plan or tidy things or even just scroll on social media

I felt discomfort when I was faced with doing nothing.

It didn't mean I was bad at resting, it often meant that my nervous system had not yet learned that stillness can be safe.

Busyness as a way of staying present

Busyness can keep you functional, but it can also keep you slightly disconnected from this present moment.

Moving from task to task leaves little space to feel grounded or settled. You are present , but only just enough to get through the day, not always enough though to actually feel in it, if that makes sense.

This is why I felt tired in a way that didn't make sense.

A gentler alternative to stopping

Mindful photography doesn't ask you to stop being active, it doesn't ask you to sit still or empty your mind, instead it weaves awareness into movement..

I learned that I noticed :

• morning light creating shadows on the wall

• texture whilst waiting in a queue

• colour whilst out for a walk

I was still moving, has been on a walk, was mid walk, walking around the house, but my attention began to land, I started to notice the tiny moments of pausing, and I share these in my 7 days of tiny pauses course here.

How awareness can replace urgency

When attention settles outward, the nervous system receives cues of safety, over time urgency softens.

Not because I forced myself to slow down, but because my body no longer needed to rush in order to feel safe, protected. Being busy was no longer a status symbol for me, or a coping mechanism.

The goal wasn't, and isn't to stop being busy, it is to let busyness become a choice rather than a necessity.

I found mindful photography helped build that choice gently, one moment of noticing at a time with no pressure to change, no need to rest " properly". It just became a softer way to be with my day.

If this resonates, if it speaks to you, you are welcome to begin with my free guide here, or you can reserve your place here, in my free 4 week course which begins in a couple of weeks time.

They offer tiny everyday moments of awareness for women who find rest difficult and busyness familiar, like I did.

Mel Collie

If my words have helped, please share with someone you feel it could also help who may be finding resting hard to " allow"

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